This year St. Patrick’s Day will be like none ever before or any yet to be. No Chicago River dyed green. No parades. No beer glasses lifted high to toast assembled friends and family. But a mere virus cannot squelch one tradition. There will be plenty of beer and jokes, and we will wish each other well. May the love and protection of St Patrick be yours in abundance.
To start your day, here is a wee bit of Irish wit:
Alcohol! Because no great story starts with a salad.
An Irish Pub Joke — An Irish man has been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So, he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he’ll crawl outside, get some fresh air, and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home. Reaching the door, he tries to stand up, and yet again, falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed, he summons the last of his strength and tries one last time to stand. It’s no use. He tumbles into bed and is soon sound asleep, only to awaken the next morning to the sound of his wife standing over him shouting. ‘So, you’ve been out drinking again!’ ‘How did you know?’ he asks, his head hung in shame. ‘The pub called — you left your damn wheelchair down there again!’
The average human walks 100 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of beer. That means the average human gets 41 miles per gallon.
Soup of the day: Whiskey with H2O croutons.
Today’s Special: Buy one beer for the price of two and receive a second beer absolutely free.
Pubs: The official sunblock of Ireland.
What’s an Irish 7-course meal? A six-pack and a potato.
What is Irish diplomacy? It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell, so he will look forward to making the trip,
Irish you a happy St Patrick’s Day!
Keep on writing.
Jo Hawk The Writer